Mischief Managed 2
by Mouse and Stupid Productions
Summary: Two years after finally making friends, Scorpius Malfoy prepares to embark on his seventh year at Hogwarts. But with most things, something more interesting than studying for NEWTs may just sneak in and distract him. Rated T, potential to change.
1. Under a Paper Moon

**A/N: So yes! I return. Unfortunately, probably not for long. Long story short - I'm on fictionpress now. Same username and everything, but with my actual novel, per recommendation of the literary agent who rejected me + constructive criticism. I could use additional reviews there, even though it's just the prologue right now. Sorry to post the first chapter of this just to get people there...**

**About this story - it is a sequel to "Mischief Managed" and takes place two years later. Please enjoy, even though the first bit is slightly disjointed.**

****Chapter One - Under a Paper Moon

"Do you suppose he'd respond if we pried his eye open?" Dylan whispered.

"I think it would be a generally bad idea," I whispered back, opening my eyes and staring up at him. Al, Dylan, and Em were leaning over my bed staring at me. When I spoke, all three jumped back and clutched each other in a panic.

"Did you lot really think he'd sleep through you leaning over him?" Will asked from the corner.

"They did," Rose answered from the other corner.

Just then, there was a loud squeak of pain. Everyone turned to see Sam desperately clutching his hand while it swelled to the size of a small pumpkin.

"That book has my Gringotts vault key in it," I explained. "It does that when someone touches it who isn't me."

"It was called _Charms for Chipper Chaps_!" Sam exclaimed. "How was I supposed to know?"

"Only you, Sam, would pick that up and think it was a real book," Will pointed out. Sam flipped him off with his swollen middle finger.

"So…if you don't mind me asking, what are you lot doing in my bedroom at," I checked my watch, "Three thirty in the morning?"

They exchanged guilty looks.

"We sort of have a job…" Al said finally, looking shifty.

"What sort of job?" I asked.

"Uncle George said something about 'but it's not really corporate espionage since they're dead'," Rose replied, looking pensive.

"So what are we doing, exactly?" I asked.

This was how I found myself suspended from a rope into a Muggle airshaft on the roof of an abandoned building that had once belonged to the now deceased owners of Zonko's.

I brushed my hair out of my eyes with one hand and wrapped my leg tighter around the rope that was suspending me in the ventilation shaft. I pulled the Muggle tool out of my mouth and went back to trying to remove the grate.

"You're taking for bloody ever," Rose called from the roof.

I rolled my eyes. "Would you like to be suspended by your waist while attempting to use a Muggle screwdriller?"

"Driver," Rose corrected.

"That's what I thought," I replied grumpily, unscrewing the last bolt. Thankfully, I'd had the foresight to clip the grate onto my harness, because it started to fall into the room below. The rope it was connected to stopped it before it could hit the floor and make an unearthly amount of noise or set off a load of booby-traps.

"We're good," I called, reeling in the grate. I held it while they pulled me out of the air duct.

"Took you long enough," Al said, crossing his arms at me. I unclipped from the rappelling rope and started to clip Sam in.

"I didn't see you volunteering to use Muggle tools," I reminded him. "In a Muggle building. Where we can't actually use magic, thanks to the Trace."

"Yes, yes, you're very put upon, now shut up," Dylan recommended, checking Sam's harness.

"Someone remind me again why I'm bait," Sam said as we started lowering him through the ventilation shaft.

"Because you're Muggleborn and actually have an address you could potentially give the Muggle police if occasion arose," Will said.

"Yeah, but so's Dylan," Sam pointed out.

"And I'm more generally valuable to the team," Dylan replied. "Please tell me you actually have the hair spray we gave you."

I peered over the edge of the ventilation shaft in time to see Sam give him the thumbs up and then flip him off.

"You know, it was sort of clever of them," Rose said, sitting on one of the gear bags we'd brought and filing her nails.

"What was?" Em asked.

"Hiding their company secrets in a Muggle building. With Muggle security," Rose explained. "Most wizards would just walk straight into the motion detectors and be instantly fucked."

"Yes, Zonko was a brilliant old codger before he died and locked all his secrets up, we know," Al said grumpily.

"What's your problem, Al?" Rose asked.

"He's tired and didn't get enough food today," Dylan explained.

"And perhaps also because it's three in the fucking morning?" I suggested.

"It is not," Dylan replied indignantly.

I checked my watch again. "Sorry. Four. It's four in the fucking morning."

"I think you're the only one grumpy about that, Blondie," Rose replied. I glared at her.

Before any of us could say anything else snippy at each other, we heard Sam yell in triumph.

"I fixed it!" he yelled.

The lot of us clipped into our harnesses and followed Sam down into the bowels of the building.

"You know, all the wizards who tried to get in here would've assumed there'd be magic and then they'd just be screwed," Sam said cheerily when we reached him.

"Yes, Sam, we've established that," Will informed him, leading the way out of the room that looked sort of like a cafeteria and toward a hallway. The minute we stepped out the door, we were set upon by small, fluffy, pink and purple balls.

"They're vermin," Em exclaimed, batting one of the pygmy puffs off. "And didn't your uncles breed these?"

"They did," Al agreed. "But they've sort of…spread…"

We waded through the pygmy puffs until we reached the stairs. Zonko's office was supposedly in the basement.

After we crossed several more motion detectors on our way down the seven flights of stairs, we reached an unmarked door that had to be Zonko's office.

"We'll keep watch," Will, Em, and Sam offered.

I nodded, stooped to pick the lock, and Rose, Dylan, Al, and I walked into the office. We split up to search for the files George Weasley had sent us in for.

Eventually, we found them crammed in a locked drawer under a secret panel behind the bookcase.

"Really liked his Muggle tricks, didn't he?" Rose asked as we made our way back up to the roof.

"I think that's why Zonko's was so popular for so long," Dylan guessed.

"Of course, the WWW is better, but that's neither here nor there," Will said. The rest of us nodded in agreement and hoisted Will through the airshaft back to the roof. He helped pull the rest of us out. I was elected to put the grate back in place, and then we climbed down the fire ladder and made our way towards the Leaky Cauldron.

Hannah Longbottom gave us sketchy looks as we walked through the pub at five in the morning, but let us pass all the same. Al tapped the brick that let us into Diagon Alley and then we made our way to the end and to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

"You found it!" George Weasley exclaimed, grabbing Al and Rose in a gigantic bear hug.

I handed him the files.

"Thank you!" he said. "It wasn't _really_ espionage of course, since he's been dead for years, but I still figured it was better to have someone else do it than go myself."

"Do you have any coffee?" Al and I chorused.

"Yeah, sure, right this way," George said, leading the way to the back of the shop and up a flight of stairs to his flat.

"Why didn't you just have Fred and James and Frank do it?" Rose asked once we were seated around the dining table.

George shrugged. "I figured since they're of age if they got caught they'd be in more trouble than the seven of you. Also, they told me what you lot did in your fifth year and I have to say I was impressed."

"Unfortunately, it doesn't really amount to a career," Will pointed out.

There was momentary silence while George considered him.

"You did walk through my shop to get here, right?" he asked finally.

"Oh yeah," Will said, looking abashed.

"And you're supposed to be the smart one," Dylan grumbled.

"No, actually, that's me," I reminded him. Will flicked me in the side of the head. "May I go home and go to sleep now?"

OOooOOooOOooOO

September first dawned much too early. Perhaps it was because I'd gone to sleep at four in the morning, but it seemed like the crack of dawn when my mother barged into my room and shrieked that I had to get up_ that instant_ or I'd miss the train.

"Mum, I passed my apparition test," I groaned into my pillow.

"Yes, and it's ten fifty!" she exclaimed, yanking off my blankets.

I grumbled and climbed out of bed, grabbing a pair of trousers and pulling them on, figuring I might apparate directly onto the train and find a shirt then.

"I don't know _where_ you were last night-"

Drinking with friends, but I wasn't about to tell her that.

"But I don't like those friends of yours," she said, rushing around my room and collecting the things she thought I'd need that I hadn't packed the night before.

"So you were worried sick for the first four years of Hogwarts because I didn't have friends, and now that I've had friends for two years, you disapprove," I summarised, plucking Tribble out of her hand before she could accidentally squish him.

"It's just that…girl…" Mum said, folding a t-shirt smaller and smaller while she pursed her lips in utter distaste.

"That's not a nice way to talk about your niece," I said, taking the t-shirt out of her hand as well and draping it over my shoulder.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Not Emerald. The other one," she said. "The redhead."

"Oh, you mean Rose?" I asked. "Yes, very dangerous that one. You should be terrified."

She rolled her eyes at me while I ducked into my toilet and grabbed my toothbrush.

"I just don't approve of the way she carries herself in the world," she explained.

"That's great, Mum, I have to go," I said, sticking the toothbrush in my mouth and tapping my trunk with my wand to send it on ahead. Ever since fifth year, we've had a compartment at the very end of the train. No one save ignorant first years set foot in it anymore.

"Bye," I gargled around my toothpaste as I disapparated.

With a pop I landed in the Hogwarts Express.

The first thing that caught my attention was a pair of black high heels, topped by very long crossed legs that were partially covered by a black, lace dress. Her face was covered by an issue of _Witch Weekly_, and her nails were painted Gryffindor red.

Slowly, she lowered the magazine and raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at me.

"Sexy," she said disparagingly before looking back at her magazine.

"What?" I gargled. It was then it occurred to me my mouth was full of toothpaste and by all probabilities, I looked like a rabid crup.

"Would you like me to start with the fact you aren't wearing shoes, you've forgot to put on your shirt, the pygmy puff you're holding, your hair, or the toothbrush?" Rose asked.

"Well, I don't recover from hangovers like others do," I accused. "And as it wasn't precisely my fault I was inebriated last night, you have my kind permission to fuck off."

"Yeah, I'm still never going to be used to you swearing," Dylan said from the door. He noticed what I was and wasn't wearing at that moment. "One of those mornings?"

"Are you kidding?" I asked, opening the window and spitting my toothpaste out. "It's always one of those mornings."

"No, it really is," Al agreed, joining us. "You don't live with him."

I opened my trunk as the train started to move and attempted to find a pair of shoes. I eventually found an old pair of trainers and socks and pulled them on.

"You're not going to put on your shirt?" Rose asked from behind her magazine.

"No," I replied obstinately, hoisting my trunk into the overhead rack.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because it makes you dreadfully uncomfortable, and that isn't an opportunity I can pass up," I replied, sitting back down and propping my feet on the empty seat across from me. I decided I didn't much care for shoes at that moment either, so I pulled them off and chucked them into the overhead rack as well.

"Anyone know where Will, Sam, or Em are?" Dylan asked.

"We passed Will and Em on our way to the compartment," Al reminded him. "They've got their own compartment and are taking full advantage of that fact."

"So where's-" I started.

At that moment, the compartment door burst open and Sam appeared, out of breath. "I just saw Will and Em and they're snogging! For real! They're actually snogging in the middle of a compartment in the train!"

"Yes, Sam," Dylan said. "They are."

Sam looked flummoxed and sat down next to Rose.

"Since when?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Halfway through sixth year?" I guessed.

Sam still looked floored.

"Wait, Scorpius," he said. "Why aren't you wearing clothes?"

"It's just not a clothes day," I replied drily, unable to fail to notice Rose squirm uncomfortably.

"So is anyone else excited for NEWTs?" Al asked. "Should be fun, right?"

There was silence for a moment while the rest of us stared at him.

"No? Just me then?" Al asked. "All righty…"

He looked awkward and stared at his knees.

We rode in silence for a while until Dylan looked pensively at Rose's magazine. Without warning, he grabbed it out of her hands and flipped to the back.

"Dylan, what the hell?" Rose demanded, glancing at me despite herself, turning bright red, and then putting up her hand like a blinder.

"Listen to this," Dylan said. He cleared his throat. "Everyone knows the graves of the most well-known wizards and witches of all time – Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin – have been lost over the centuries. However, new evidence has come to light that their graves may in fact be located at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

He put the magazine down and Rose snatched it back.

"Rose, we all know you think Scor's fit. You can put the magazine down," Al said. Rose gave him a death glare and folded the magazine in her lap.

"So what, Dylan?" she asked, decidedly not looking at me. I chose that moment to stretch my arms over my head and then fold my hands behind it.

Rose spared me a withering look.

"We could find them," Dylan said enthusiastically.

"The graves of the founders?" Rose asked.

Dylan nodded.

"Dylan, everyone who reads _Witch Weekly_ is going to be looking for them," I pointed out. "Well, that go to Hogwarts, anyway."

"Yeah, but they all lack the necessary skill set to find them," Dylan said. "We definitely have that skill set."

"So is that what we're going to do while we study for our NEWTs?" Al asked. "Search the bowels of Hogwarts for dead people?"

The rest of us exchanged looks (except for Rose, who had her face pointed resolutely away from me). "Yeah," I said finally.

Well, this should be fun.

**Review!**

_The title means absolutely nothing relevant, it's just the song I was listening to at the time..._


	2. One Way or Another

**A/N: Hi there everyone. So it's been less than a year! That's gotta count for something, right? In that year, I've written my novel twice and its sequel once and am now editing, which is a process I passionately loathe, so anyway. Also, I signed up for summer classes because I'm apparently masochistic, and have almost no time to do things like write this story. Nevertheless, I have updated this story. It actually has the vague outlines of a plot now! **

**But yes. I have updated. Feel free to yell at me all you'd like for taking too long. **

Chapter Two - One Way or Another

I had managed to acquire clothes – proper ones even – by the time we got to the Great Hall for the feast. We parted ways at the door with Em off to the Slytherin table, Will and Sam off to the Ravenclaw table, and Dylan off to Hufflepuff. Rose, Al, and I continued on to the Gryffindor table and sat down in the middle. Almost instantly, a bubble formed around us.

"Do you feel as though perhaps we fucked the social scene a bit?" Al asked, twirling the fork in his hand.

"I was doing just fine until I started associating with you lot," Rose replied, undoing her tie and using it to pull her hair back. Now that her tie was off, it was readily apparent that she hadn't felt the need to do up all the button on her school shirt.

"Being a rampant slut and 'doing just fine' aren't the same things," Al pointed out.

"Fuck you," Rose replied.

"Well, I certainly wasn't doing just fine before, so frankly I'm just glad I'm not stuck sitting by myself getting dinner plates chucked at my head," I said.

"They never threw plates at you," Rose said with an eye roll.

Al and I exchanged looks and raised our eyebrows in unison.

"Your brother," we chorused.

Hugo Weasley had hated me violently since he started Hogwarts. Initially, it was just the fact his family had instructed him to do so, but then he got over that in favour of hating me for being sorted into Gryffindor from an all-Slytherin family while he, the perfect Gryffindor, had somehow ended up in Ravenclaw. It didn't help that I routinely destroyed him at Quidditch.

"Hugo threw a plate at your head?" Rose asked.

"More than one," I replied.

"Why didn't we attack him in fifth year?" Rose asked.

"Will charmed his hair neon pink," Al replied. "What worse things could we have done to him?"

Rose considered and then nodded in agreement.

While we had been talking, the first years had been sorted into their respective houses.

"Oh good, I'm starved," Al said, digging into the appearing food.

Rose and I watched in mild disgust while he chewed through the excessive amounts of food he had heaped on his plate. From what I had learned over the past two years, Al never did anything by half, and always consumed in excess, whether it was food, alcohol, or drugs. Since it was usually a combination of all three, I had learned to recognise the signs of binge eating.

"You're going to suffocate yourself," Rose informed him, looking much less enthusiastic at her salad while Al gorged himself on an entire shepherd's pie.

"Dylan will never shag you again if you get fat," I said.

Al stopped eating immediately.

Rose rolled her eyes. "What is it with men and sex?" she asked.

"Hey!" Al and I exclaimed in unison.

"We all know Dylan's only dating me for my body, so forgive me for listening to Scor's threats," Al grumbled.

"Oh come on, you're good at school too," Rose said.

"Not like either of you," Al pointed out, giving the two of us a significant look.

"You were the one excited for NEWTs," I reminded him, starting to consider food as a plausible option now that Al wasn't inhaling it at inhuman rates.

Al shrugged and looked down at his plate. Rose and I exchanged concerned looks and then returned to our food.

By the time we finished eating, McGonagall stood up and cleared her throat significantly. Everyone in the hall turned and directed their attention to our illustrious headmistress. As I looked, I caught the eye of Professor Longbottom who nodded in our direction as discretely as possible. Professor Longbottom had bailed the three of us out of serious detention in fifth year.

"Good evening and welcome back," Professor McGonagall said in a carrying voice that even made the pocket of giggling Hufflepuff girls be quiet. "Before you all retire to your rooms to catch up with your housemates, the caretaker would have me remind you that any products purchased at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes are banned from the school grounds, and anyone found in possession of an undocumented pygmy puff will be required to reveal the location of their den. As you all know, we are suffering our third year of pygmy puff infestation, and while they are certainly affable, they are still technically vermin. In response to the article published in Witch Weekly this morning-"

"Hang on, _you _read Witch Weekly?" someone called from the Ravenclaw table.

"No, but it was brought to my attention that there was an article published this morning stating that the tombs of the four founders of Hogwarts could be found somewhere on Hogwarts grounds," McGonagall continued. "I have to inform you all that this is categorically false as Albus Dumbledore himself searched for any hidden secrets and chambers during his tenure as headmaster and found nothing."

"No one found the Chamber of Secrets until Harry Potter showed up at school either, though," the same Ravenclaw said.

"And I suppose you fancy yourself the next Chosen One, do you?" Will asked him, giving him the evil eye.

"Maybe I do," the Ravenclaw said.

Al snorted into his pudding.

"If that is all, you may return to your dormitories," McGonagall said. "Welcome back to Hogwarts."

In the mass exodus, Rose, Al, and I found ourselves squished into the entrance hall with Will, Sam, and the offending Ravenclaw.

"Who are you?" Will demanded.

"Seriously? I've been in your dormitory for the past six years, Corner," the Ravenclaw said. "But I suppose you wouldn't notice since you spend too much time shagging your Slytherin girlfriend-"

Will lunged for the guy's throat, but Sam and I caught him before he could do any damage.

"You're a strange, strange bloke," Al informed him.

"And why's that, Potter?" the Ravenclaw asked.

"Wanting to be the next Chosen One? Why? Because you'd get to be my dad, or because you'd get to shag my mum?" Al asked, raising one eyebrow and crossing his arms.

The Ravenclaw flushed and looked awkward.

"Let's just go," I suggested, dragging Will away from his dorm mate.

"Let go of me, Scorpius," Will said in a perfectly level voice. "I'm perfectly in control of my actions."

"That's what scares me," I replied, continuing to drag him up the stairs with Sam's help.

"We could just put him in our common room for the night," Al suggested.

"Or you could let him go sleep with his girlfriend," the Ravenclaw said.

"What about his girlfriend?" Em asked from behind him.

The Ravenclaw swallowed awkwardly and turned around to face Em.

"Nothing," he said, edging past us and disappearing into the crowds of people heading back to their dormitories.

"What an arse," Em said.

"I'll be perfectly fine in my dormitory, promise," Will said with a sinister stare off in the direction of the Ravenclaw.

"Sam, if you have to, charm him from doing anything stupid," Al instructed. Sam had been originally inducted into our group of miscreants due to his charms aptitude. Half the magic he did I was convinced he had created because no one had ever told him it couldn't be done. He hadn't grown up in Wizarding society as he was Muggle-born.

"Got it," Sam agreed.

Will kissed Em goodnight and the three of them left for their respective dormitories. Al, Rose, and I headed towards the Gryffindor dormitory together.

"So where do you suppose we should start looking for the tombs?" Al asked once we stepped into the common room.

"The library," I said instantly. The library and the forbidden forest had been my places of refuge until fifth year when I acquired myself friends.

"You think their tombs are in the library?" Al asked sceptically.

"No, I just think it would be a good place to start research," I replied.

"Research," Rose scoffed, rolling her eyes. "You sound like my mother."

"And your mother is one of the most brilliant witches of the age, so thank you," I replied, bidding her goodnight and heading for the stairs to the boys' dormitories. Al followed me.

"You don't really think Dylan's only dating me because he thinks I'm fit, do you?" Al asked.

I could recall several occasions where Dylan had insisted he was either not dating Al for his personality, or that he wasn't dating Al for his brains. However, I was also currently in the dangerous situation of being prompted to give relationship advice to someone. I had never been in a relationship, had only ever snogged two girls, and was certainly not qualified to advise Al on anything of this nature.

"Erm…" I said, deciding that a verbal place-filler might be my best option.

Al stared at me for a moment with a slightly desperate look in his eyes and then fell sideways through the curtains of his bed.

"G'night," he mumbled from behind the closed drapes.

"Night," I echoed, pulling off my shoes and digging out my own pyjamas.

The next day found us in an abandoned classroom. It was set with stacks of dusty and abandoned desks, one of the old style blackboards that could be turned over, and a horde of pygmy puffs. They mostly cowered in the corner and made squeaking noises. Without question, our abandoned classroom was not their nest, but they tended to congregate there. At some point, some zoologist is going to have to do a study on their culture, because I'm relatively convinced at this point that they hold councils and elections and have a sort of hyper-politicised tribal system. To the best of my observational skills, they've set up their parliament office in our classroom.

The lot of us were sprawled on various desks with stacks of books on the four founders of Hogwarts. Will was sitting against the wall and Em was leaning against his chest while they both read books about Helga Hufflepuff. Sam was sitting by himself reading about Rowena Ravenclaw. Al and Dylan were sitting on opposite sides of the room from each other, one reading about Slytherin, the other about Gryffindor. Every so often, one of them – usually Al – would glance over at the other, then quickly re-interest himself in his book. Rose was lying on her stomach with her feet in the air. Her uniform skirt was just barely long enough to cover her arse and the way she had propped herself up on her elbows managed to give her even more spectacular cleavage than normal. I was the only one maintaining some semblance of civility since I was sitting in a chair.

"Gryffindor was buried in Godric's Hollow," Al piped up after a while. "I've got at least ten biographers who agree on that point."

"Born, raised, and buried," Rose added, using her book as a pillow and closing her eyes.

"I mean, are we really doing all this because of a Witch Weekly article?" Em asked.

"It wasn't even an article really," Will added. "It was a blurb in the very back."

"And Rose, I'm shocked you even read Witch Weekly," Dylan said, shutting his book on Slytherin with a snap.

"Why's that?" Rose asked, lifting her head back up and giving me an unimpeded view down her jumper. I stared down at my book.

"Didn't they once publish an article calling your mother a tart?" Dylan asked.

"They've got good makeup tips," Rose replied dismissively.

"Unbounded logic there," Em muttered.

"And I don't know what Witch Weekly was talking about," Al commented, apparently not listening to anything else in the conversation. "A metric fuckton of scholars are entirely convinced they know where the founders are buried and have been there themselves."

All seven of us were silent for a moment.

"Where's the nearest grave?" Dylan asked.

"Ravenclaw's is supposed to be near Loch Ness," I said, glancing up, catching an eyeful of Rose's chest, and then staring straight back at my book. I could practically hear Rose smirk.

"It should be easy enough to check, right?" Dylan said. "We could just go at the Hogsmead weekend."

"How?" Em asked.

"Apparation," Al replied easily.

Em glared at him.

"Except that you're still sixteen," Al continued. "Sorry. I suppose you'll be here then."

Em rolled her eyes.

"Well regardless of who goes, I suppose we can go see if Ravenclaw is actually buried in her supposed tomb," Dylan said. "It shouldn't be that hard to figure out, should it?"

"I could come up with a charm that would tell us," Sam offered, sounding excited.

"You've got until the Hogsmead weekend," Dylan replied.

We agreed this was the best course of action and parted ways to go back to our dorms. Dylan stopped Al before he could come with Rose and me, which meant I was stuck alone with Rose.

"I couldn't help but notice you staring at me," she said calmly in her velvety voice.

"It was a bit hard not to when you were lying directly in front of me," I replied, opening the portrait hole.

"Oh, I'm sure some things were hard," she replied cheerfully. "Good night, Scorpius."

She flounced up the stairs to the girls' dormitories, leaving me alone in the common room glaring after her. Without question, Rose Weasley was going to drive me insane.

**Review!**

**(As per usual, the chapter title has absolutely nothing to do with the chapter, it was solely based on the fact that my computer decided to play Blondie.)**


	3. Welcome to Wonderland

**A/N: Oh my god. Two chapters in consecutive days. The world is going mad. Also, there's all kinds of plot in this chapter and semi-questionable content. Unfortunately, the questionable has nothing to do with Rose or Scorpius. Sorry everyone. **

**Also, shout outs to Prunella7, FairyLightsAndGlitter, and Schnurrbart for reviewing. **

Chapter Three - Welcome to Wonderland

"NEWTs are not to be trifled with," Professor Longbottom said, brandishing a garishly pink flower at us, a week shy of Halloween. There were only twenty seventh years who had opted to take NEWT level Herbology, and subsequently we all had class together.

After Professor Longbottom had saved Rose, Al, and me from detention in fifth year, and in fact, he gave us 150 points in the process, the lot of us had decided we owed him a great debt and had carried onto NEWT levels. In the midst of sixth year, Professor Longbottom had discovered that Will, Sam, Dylan, and Em had been part of our gang and had taken an immediate liking to the four of them as well. I wasn't quite sure what the Slytherins had done to him when he was in school, but whenever I mentioned his name at home, my very Slytherin parents both got twitchy and looked ashamed, so I was sure it was nothing good.

"Professor?" the annoying Ravenclaw from dinner asked.

"Yes Ioan?" Professor Longbottom replied.

"It's widely known that you were part of Dumbledore's Army when you were in school here, so do you know anything about the graves of the founders?" the annoying Ravenclaw, Ioan, asked.

Professor Longbottom stared at Ioan for a long moment. "I know there are many unplumbed depths in Hogwarts, and I know nothing about any of them. I do know that it has absolutely no bearing on your Herbology NEWTs, so if you wouldn't mind paying attention."

Ioan stared back at the central table.

While Professor Longbottom lectured us on the finer points of which semi-sentient plants had medicinal qualities, I noticed Rose staring at Ioan. I knew from personal experience that Rose's stares made a person feel as though they were entirely naked and being judged harshly. Ioan seemed to be undergoing the same symptoms and would glance over at her every so often and then get skittish and look away.

"Why is she just…staring?" Sam whispered halfway through the class.

"I'm supposed to know the answer?" I replied.

"You're better at girls than I am," Sam pointed out.

I gave him a pitying look. "You know that's sad on every level, right?"

"Yeah," Sam replied, poking at the plant in front of him. It immediately came to life and spat noxious orange liquid at both of us.

"Is it me…" I asked while pink fairies started dancing across my vision.

"It tasted like watermelons," Sam replied before he griped my arm and pointed at a floating purple cat wearing a happy grin. "Holy shit it's the Cheshire Cat!"

"What is the Cheshire Cat?" I demanded while the purple cat slowly faded, leaving only a grin.

"Oi," Professor Longbottom said, giving the two of us a confused look. While I stared at him, he grew a spectacular moustache and then promptly turned into a walrus.

"No, no," Sam admonished, shaking his finger at Professor Longbottom. "Those baby clams were innocent, you monster!"

"Are you two okay?" Will asked, raising his eyebrow and sprouting into an Ace of Spades.

"We call that Jabberwocky Juice," Professor Longbottom explained. "It's more recreational than medicinal. Mr Corner, would you mind escorting the two of them to the hospital wing?"

"He's a bloody playing card!" I exclaimed.

"Miss Weasley?" Professor Longbottom the walrus offered.

Sam and I exchanged looks and then turned to stare at Rose. While we stared, her red hair coiled itself into a crown and her school uniform turned into a red ball gown covered in hearts.

"At least she's still human?" Sam said with a shrug.

I nodded in agreement and Rose steered both of us out of the greenhouse by the elbows.

"You two do realise you're on drugs right now, don't you?" she asked.

"I had come to that conclusion, yes," I replied. "Why would they call it Jabberwocky Juice?"

"Because everything we're seeing is from Alice in Wonderland," Sam said, batting away a fly made out of bread. "I bet this is what Lewis Carroll was on when he wrote it."

"I still have no idea what you're talking about," I replied.

"It's a book," Sam explained. "Your Majesty Queen of Hearts, why were you staring at Ioan?"

Rose considered Sam and then me for a long moment before she steered us into the hospital wing.

"He's a right prat," Sam babbled. "Talking about wanting to be the Chosen One. I call bull – JABBERWOCKY!"

I saw the scaly dragon-like creature he was pointing at and ducked under the nearest bed. Sam hit the floor next to me, completely unconscious. I got one more look at the jabberwocky and then nothing.

OOooOOooOOooOO

When I woke up, I was still in the hospital wing. My stomach felt like it was full of acid and I was relatively convinced my brain was going to escape through my eye sockets at its earliest convenience.

"Ah Mr Malfoy," the nurse said, raising one eyebrow at me and making a 'tut-tut' noise in the back of her throat. "Jabberwocky Juice is a strictly controlled substance."

"Yeah," I replied, trying to feign interest.

"Collected properly, the sap can be distilled into a powerful analgesic, but in its un-tampered form, it's quite the psychotropic," she continued.

"I noticed," I replied.

"Now just what made you decide that taking Jabberwocky Juice recreationally was a good idea?" she asked.

I tried to focus on her face but found it quite difficult. The aftereffects were decidedly worse than the worst hangover I'd had.

"It was an accident," I managed to explain. "My friend poked the plant when we were in Herbology."

"That would be Mr Baker?" the nurse enquired, nodding towards the next bed where Sam was snoring, his sandy hair sticking up from the pillow.

"That's the one," I agreed.

"He got it much worse than you did," she replied.

"Is he alright?" I asked.

The nurse waved her hand dismissively and bustled off to give me pepper up potion. On her return, a small pack of pygmy puffs rolled across the floor, collecting dust on their way by. The nurse shouted excessive profanity at the lot of them and then handed me a spoonful of the potion.

By the time the steam had stopped pouring out of my ears, Sam had woken. After she gave him the potion and she had treated us to a half hour lecture on the dangers of habit forming hallucinogenic drugs, we were released from the hospital.

By mutual agreement, we made our way to the classroom. Once there, we found that everyone else had also decided it was the best place to be.

"Are you two okay?" Dylan asked from his perch on a desk.

"Fine," I replied, falling into my standard chair and opening my book on Ravenclaw. "We've only got two weeks until Hogsmead. Sam, how's the charm coming?"

"It's going well," Sam said, shaking his head for a moment to clear it of the last images from the Jabberwocky Juice before he dug his charms notebook out of a desk and started rambling about the ins and outs of his charm.

"So what do you lot want me to do while you're all off searching Ravenclaw's grave for Ravenclaw?" Em asked.

"Make sure Ioan isn't getting close to any useful information," Will said.

"I can do that," Rose offered.

"Why would you volunteer to spend more time around that git than strictly necessary?" Will asked.

"Oh come on," Rose scoffed. "The only reason you lot let me join you in the first place was so I could be the distraction. What sort of distraction would I be if I didn't also handle the information extraction part?"

She smiled innocently at Will, but her warm brown eyes were clearly intent on something far less innocent.

"You fancy him," I accused.

Rose turned and raised her eyebrow at me. "I do not."

"He does have certain…charms…" Dylan admitted.

"Like what?" Al growled, glaring at Dylan. "Wearing his trousers too tight?"

"Well, that certainly doesn't hurt anything," Rose replied.

"You do fancy him," I said, mildly disgusted with her.

"Wow," Em mumbled. "Scor, Sam, glad you're both okay with the drugs thing." She glanced between Al's glare at Dylan and my disgusted look at Rose. "I'll just be going to dinner."

"I'll come with you," Will said, running after her. Sam kept scribbling in his charms notebook.

The moment Will and Em were gone, Rose smiled maliciously at me.

"I don't fancy Ioan," she said. "I just think he's fit."

"You also think _I'm_ fit," I said, completely unsure why I was angry.

"Only on the rare occasion you aren't speaking and aren't wearing clothes," Rose replied coolly. "And since that's not something that happens ever, no, I don't."

I gaped at her indignantly while Al climbed to his feet and kept glaring at Dylan.

"Ioan's only charm is being an arse," Al said, completely ignoring both me and Rose.

"Maybe," Dylan conceded. "But Rose is right. He is fit."

"You are the shallowest person I have ever met," Al snapped.

Despite whatever had just transpired between Rose and me, we exchanged concerned glances and backed towards the door together.

"That would explain why I've been in a relationship with you for two years," Dylan replied like he was completely unconcerned.

"I'm more than just some pretty face," Al insisted. I had to wonder if he hated himself for using the words "pretty face" to describe himself in an argument. I certainly would have.

"Yeah," Dylan agreed, finally getting angry. "You also come complete with a raging shit storm of substance abuse problems!"

"And they're _my_ problems!" Al yelled.

"That's not how a relationship works," Dylan exclaimed.

"Then maybe we shouldn't be in one!" Al shouted.

A very ugly and uncomfortable silence fell over the classroom. Even the pygmy puff parliament stopped squeaking and Sam's quill stopped scratching.

Al and Dylan stared at each other with burningly intense gazes for a long moment, and then Al turned and stormed out of the classroom, slamming the door behind him. The noise echoed around the room.

Dylan very calmly stood up off his desk and straightened his jumper. "Sorry the three of you had to witness that," he said in a slightly strangled tone. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

He walked out of the classroom stiffly and with perfect reserve, but before the door could swing shut, I heard him kick over a suit of armour.

Rose and I exchanged worried looks while Sam stared at the closed door with a confused expression on his face.

"Do you want Al or Dylan?" Rose asked finally.

"I live with Al," I said. "I suppose it's easier that way."

Rose nodded and left the room in the same direction Dylan had gone.

"What just happened?" Sam asked.

"They just broke up," I explained. "I think. I'm going to go make sure Al isn't going to overdose on something."

OOooOOooOOooOO

Fortunately, Al did not overdose on anything. Unfortunately, it wasn't for lack of trying. For the first time since my grandfather had checked into rehab, I found myself digging through someone else's things to remove every single substance that could be used to the end of self-harm.

"You could just tell the press that Harry Potter's son has a drinking problem," Al grumbled while he watched me pour his Firewhiskey down the sink. He wasn't putting up a fight, which I considered to be a good sign. However, he was certainly not happy with the intervention.

"I'm above blackmail," I replied. "Remember? It's how we ended up being friends."

Al grumbled and lurked off to the common room.

He and Dylan hadn't spoken to each other since their fight. For the rest of us, it was increasingly unpleasant to be in a room with both of them since they would glare daggers at each other whenever possible. The glaring was punctuated by desperate, pleading looks that seemed to keep missing each other.

"I've really got to stay here and babysit Al?" Em asked at the Hogsmead weekend.

"Remember when Grandfather Greengrass had to be checked into rehab?" I asked.

"Your grandfather's surname was Greengrass?" Al asked, looking somewhere between amused and nauseated.

"Fine," Em said, grabbing Al by the arm. "Come on, Al. We'll go get food and then research things."

"Goody," Al grumbled, following her to the dining hall.

Once the two of them were gone the rest of us took stock.

"And Rose, you're set to go make sure Ioan doesn't figure anything out in our absence, right?" Dylan asked.

I was pretty sure he was handling the breakup better than Al.

"Yeah," Rose agreed, smoothing the skirt on her very low-cut dress. She was wearing a necklace that immediately drew the eyes downwards. "I'll go now if Scorpius can stand to pull his eyes out of my tits."

I gave her a sour look and then turned away.

"Good luck, boys," she said, and then she spun on her high heels and headed for Hogsmead.

Will, Sam, Dylan, and I only got as far as the front gates before we disapparated. According to the school rules, leaving Hogwarts and going anywhere besides Hogsmead was strictly prohibited. There was a time when the very idea of breaking a school rule would've made me cringe.

We appeared next to a ruined castle on the banks of a stunningly cold loch.

"Hogwarts is farther north than this and somehow it's colder here!" Will exclaimed, pulling his jacket closer.

"Pansy," Dylan replied, heading for the ruined castle. "You're from somewhere painfully warm aren't you?"

"Guernsey," Will replied.

"Doesn't that make you practically French?" Dylan asked, raising an eyebrow at him and smirking.

"Oh fuck you," Will said, leading the way over one of the ruined walls. "Sam, we could use that locator spell of yours."

"Okay!" Sam exclaimed enthusiastically, pulling out his wand and performing some complicated motion I didn't follow.

A shimmery blue light appeared from the end of his wand and floated over the ruins until it focused in on a small hillock in the middle of what had once been the keep. The four of us headed towards it, clambering over felled walls and stones until we got to the hill. Once there, Dylan and I levitated the thick chunk of rock set into the top. As soon as it had lifted a few feet, Sam pointed his wand at the hollow underneath.

"_Phaino toe somati_," he commanded.

The ground rumbled and everything around us shook, except for the levitated stone. After a moment, the hillside stood still.

"There's no body there," Sam said decisively. "There never was."

"That's assuming your charm worked correctly," Will replied.

"Of course it worked correctly," Dylan said. "It's Sam and charms."

"Thanks," Sam said, smiling genially at Dylan. Dylan nodded and the two of us lowered the rock back into its original spot.

"So if there was never a body in her supposed grave," I started.

"Maybe it really is in Hogwarts after all," Dylan finished.

The four of us exchanged looks for a moment, and then as one, we disapparated.

**Review!**


	4. A Forest

**A/N: So after this the plot will be more...plot than just them talking about what they're going to do. Also, as a side note, anyone reading this should be thankful that my new strategy for studying for my History of Medieval Warfare class is to watch historically themed things on Netflix while working on this story. On that note, about the only documentary they have about medieval warfare is a Nova program about the making of a Viking sword in which some crazy dude who looks like the love child of Alan Moore and George R. R. Martin makes a Viking sword. If anyone has any suggestions, they would be most welcome. **

**Also, to the reviewer who hasn't signed in but calls himself Tom - I didn't use corn flour. I used maple syrup. **

Chapter Four - A Forest

We weren't about to pass up a full Hogsmead visit, so naturally we had to stop into the local branch of the WWW to stock up on our various necessities: decoy detonators, dungbombs, extendable ears, skiving snackboxes, and Weasley's Wildfire Whizbangs.

Will insisted on stopping into Honeydukes to get Em chocolate, and then we were on our way back to Hogwarts. As we walked, following the flow of other students, we found ourselves stuck behind a pack of third years that were enthusing about the sheer volume of Honeydukes sweets they had bought. One was even jabbering about the vast quantity of chocolate buttons he had purchased that he might use to lure, trap, and commandeer a pygmy puff.

Once we got around the third years (a process easily accomplished by Will loudly speculating about the flammability of Hogwarts cloaks when attacked by fireworks), we realised we were walking behind Rose and Ioan.

"But aren't you friends with Malfoy and McGeek and Whateverthefuckhisnameis?" Ioan was saying while we walked quietly behind them.

"I'm almost offended I don't get my own nickname," I mumbled while Will and Sam glared at the back of Ioan's head. I wasn't sure when or where they had acquired their nicknames, but both were widely known. Until fifth year, Rose hadn't actually known that Will's name was Will, not Whateverhtefuckhisnameis, and she hadn't known that Sam's name was Sam, not McGeek.

"Sure I am, I suppose," Rose replied, and I realised she had her elbow linked through Ioan's. "But I'd rather help someone with an actual chance of finding the tombs. Can you imagine how famous we'd be?"

I didn't have to see Ioan's face to know he was imagining himself and Rose having a celebratory party after finding the tombs, preferably without any sort of annoying hindrance like trousers. I knew that's what he was thinking, because it was a fairly common and annoying thought that went through my head.

"We could meet and compare notes," Ioan suggested. "Maybe in one of the old classrooms?"

"He only said 'old' because 'abandoned' would make him sound like he was even creepier," Will muttered.

"Sounds great," Rose replied with a breathy intonation in her voice.

Ioan proceeded to babble pointlessly for the rest of the walk back to Hogwarts. Every so often, Rose would laugh or twirl her hair around her finger, or run her hand along Ioan's arm. By the time we walked back into the castle, I was ready to test Will's firework flammability theory using Ioan's face.

Before I could try anything of the sort, Dylan, Will, and Sam dragged me back to our classroom where we found Em and Al reading and taking notes on various history books.

"Well?" Al asked, raising his eyebrow at Will, Sam, and me and completely ignoring Dylan.

"There was no body there," I replied, dropping my bag of WWW purchases on the professor's desk and tossing a bag of chocolate buttons at the pygmy puff parliament in the corner. As I was approximately ninety percent responsible for the pygmy puff infestation, I felt compelled to feed them whenever I could.

"Alright," Dylan said, picking up a piece of chalk and drumming it on his chin while he regarded the blackboard. He crossed off the item on the board that said to check Ravenclaw's grave.

"So what's next?" Em asked, accepting the chocolate Will offered her but refusing to kiss him. Will pouted, but Em nodded at Dylan and Al for explanation.

"We could check the other supposed graves," Will suggested. "Or we could just assume they're not going to be there and carry on from there."

"Well, we've got a month and a half until Christmas," Dylan said. "We could do both."

I was initially tempted to agree until Will exclaimed in momentary dismay.

"What's wrong with you?" Al asked him.

"Quidditch scouts," Will replied. "The first game is in two weeks."

"Oh Merlin, right," I said, briefly entertaining the thought of the horrific tortures my Quidditch captain – one Lily Potter – would heap on me if I failed to turn up for the first game.

Will and I had got along very poorly until fifth year, since he was easily the best Chaser at Hogwarts and was almost singlehandedly responsible for Ravenclaw placing second in the Quidditch Cup for the past five years. Problematically for our friendship, I was the school's best Keeper. In the five years I'd been playing for Gryffindor, our opposing teams had managed a complete total of 700 points against us. That was only an average of less than two goals per game. Rather impressively, 230 of those points had been scored during one game in fifth year when Slytherin's beater had rendered me unconscious and mostly dead five minutes into the game. Thirty of the points ever scored against me had been Will during the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw game in sixth year. I was having an off day because Rose, for reasons best known to herself, had dressed up for the game in a Gryffindor-themed bathing suit that was only slightly more modest than scarlet body-paint.

"So you two can play Quidditch and we'll research potential locations," Dylan suggested. "Anyone have an idea where we should start?"

I reached into my bag and pulled out a battered and abused piece of parchment.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," I muttered, tapping it with my wand. A spider-web of lines appeared and became quickly joined by dots bearing labels and names. Once the Marauder's Map was complete, I spread it across the professor's desk.

"I say we look for empty spots on the map," I suggested. "They found all the secret passages, but they never found the Room of Requirement or the Chamber of Secrets or anything like that so when they've got blank spots, it's always a good place to start."

"Alright," Dylan agreed.

"I can do that if you'd like," Em offered. "I don't have to study for NEWTs so I've got more time than you lot."

"Sure," I said, handing her the map.

"And we could check the other graves over Christmas," Al suggested. "Gryffindor is supposed to be in Godric's Hollow, right? My family goes ever Christmas to visit my grandparents' graves so I could check that one."

"Slytherin was buried, supposedly, near Norfolk, right?" Em asked. "I can check that one over Christmas."

"Great, so that just leaves us Hufflepuff," Dylan said. "And none of us are Welsh, or live in Wales, but I can check that one."

"House loyalty?" Will asked.

"I live in Gloucester," Dylan said. "Wales is close by."

"So if we've got a plan, what are we going to do about Ioan?" I asked.

"Light him on fire," Will suggested.

"So I understand why Scor doesn't like him, but what's your issue with him?" Dylan asked.

"Why do you think I don't like him?" I asked, watching Rose walk towards the room on the Marauder's Map.

"Because you fancy Rose," Dylan informed me.

"I do not," I replied.

"I don't like Ioan because I have to share a dormitory with him," Will said.

"So do I," Sam pointed out. "He snores."

"You can honestly not like someone solely because he snores?" Em asked.

"Imagine how annoying it would be if I snored," Will said. "Just sleeping comfortably, and then suddenly you're woken up by your significant other snoring."

"You twitch in your sleep like a dog," Em replied dismissively.

The rest of us exchanged uncomfortable looks and then we were saved by Rose opening the door.

"Ioan doesn't know anything," she said. "He wants to compare notes, so I figured we could use whatever information he does have and feed him false information."

"Which was clearly why you had to keep pawing at him while you were walking back from Hogsmead," I grumbled.

Rose raised her eyebrow at me and then smiled softly. "No, I was pawing at him because I'd quite like to shag him," she said.

Whatever Dylan said, I didn't fancy Rose. I thought she was annoying and somewhat heartless and possibly a harpy. Regardless, she was one of my friends and Ioan was vile so the idea of her shagging him on purpose was repugnant.

"On that cheery thought, I'm going to go to Quidditch practice," I said, giving Rose a disgusted look and heading out of the room.

OOooOOooOOooOO

The first game of the season went well. Slytherin unwittingly succumbed to a loss by two hundred points, at least partially because they were scared that at any given moment, their robes were set to turn into pearls. I did my best to encourage the thought by humming at their Chasers whenever they got near.

When the game was over, I found myself in the Gryffindor common room accompanied by Al. Around us, everyone was either drinking heavily or snogging, or dancing in the most suggestive way possible. Rose was nowhere to be seen.

"Life sucks," Al said. We were sitting on the steps to the boys' dormitory watching the festivities rather than participating. Ever since I had made friends, I had been prone to social drunkenness at Quidditch parties. For the first time, I was starting to realise that Al had rarely been sober for as long as I'd known him, so I was making sure he didn't relapse.

"Why does life suck?" I asked, taking a sip of my pumpkin juice.

"I'm single, I'm sober, and I'm sexless," Al listed. "I'll fail my NEWTs as a matter of principle, and then I'll be unemployed, or worse, forced to make a living solely based on the fact I'm my father's son and can walk into any given business and say, 'Oh yeah, m' dad's Harry Potter. You should hire me for a job I'm ridiculously unqualified to hold' and then I'll die penniless and alone because my dad will disown me if I ever try to use him as a stepping stone for success."

I nodded slowly. "In order to be technically sexless don't you have to have someone cut off your junk?"

Al considered for a long moment. "I make more sense when I'm drunk."

"No, you don't," I said. "You made perfect sense, I'm just being an arse."

"I suppose you're even more sexless than I am, aren't you," Al said, drinking his own pumpkin juice. "Merlin this stuff is vile."

"It's delicious," I replied. "You're just used to it having so much rum you can't taste the actual juice."

Al turned and stared at me with sharp green eyes. Then he snorted a very undignified laugh.

"What?" I asked.

"I forgot," Al said.

"Forgot what?" I replied.

"You're a virgin," he said, continuing to snicker.

"Oh piss off," I grumbled.

Al kept laughing stupidly to himself for about half a minute and then hit his forehead on his knees and clasped his hands behind his head in despair.

"It's been two months and I still miss him," he said.

I wasn't good at offering comfort to people. I wasn't often good at talking to people, let alone talking well, so I stayed silent.

"So what do you think we're going to get if we do find their tombs?" Al asked.

"Fame and glory," I replied. "Making a name for ourselves that doesn't involve our parents."

Al nodded. "How's Christmas going to be?"

"Oh, terrible," I replied. "You?"

"I'll have to explain that Dylan and I broke up, and my parents really liked Dylan, so that'll be uncomfortable," he said. "And I've got to find some way to sneak off and check Gryffindor's grave, so that'll be fun."

"Well, at least we're good at sneaking, right?" I replied.

Al nodded slowly. "You know that Rose is – right at this moment – banging Ioan, right?"

I glanced down at my pumpkin juice and then upended it on Al's head.

OOooOOooOOooOO

Malfoy Manor was always cold in December, and it didn't fail to disappoint this year. Nothing was quite as cold as the icy stares my grandmother kept giving me.

"How are your studies going?" Mum asked over Christmas dinner.

"They're fine," I replied.

"You're still top of your class?" she asked.

"Yes," I agreed.

"And Quidditch?" Dad asked.

"Oh, Draco, no one cares about Quidditch in the real world," my grandmother said.

Dad fell silent and stabbed at his ham.

"You're going to work for the Ministry, aren't you?" my grandmother asked. She pretended it was a question.

"Sure, Grandmother," I replied.

"Department of Magical Law Enforcement, I trust?" she asked.

Dad gave her a pained look, aimed at the back of her head. However, my grandmother appears to have eyes in the back of her head, because she smoothed her silver hair self-importantly and said, "Don't give me that look, Draco."

"I was thinking the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The beast division," I said. "Pygmy puffs are wildly underrepresented in the regulatory annals of the Ministry. Currently they're classified as vermin and that's just a grossly overstated falsehood."

My grandmother stared at me like she wasn't sure I was serious.

"Why pygmy puffs, son?" Dad asked. "They're pink."

"And lilac, and violet, and spotted, and striped, and I've actually seen an aquamarine one once," I listed.

My parents exchanged looks.

"Do any of you know anything about the grave of Salazar Slytherin?" I asked.

This seemed to really throw them.

"You're a Gryffindor," Mum pointed out. "Why would you want to know about Slytherin's grave?"

"Why not?" I asked.

"The boy does enjoy the company of pink and purple balls of fluff," Dad said. "I suppose that's a sign he goes for unusual interests."

I was relatively sure my father thought I was gay.

"We had a legend when I was at school that Slytherin was buried in the Forbidden Forest," my grandmother said. "It was either in the forest or under the Black Lake. No one was sure in terms of the legend, but I thought he was buried at his family home in Norfolk."

"Near where Daphne lives?" Mum asked, sounding curious.

"Blaise and Daphne did quite well raising their daughter," my grandmother said. "Proper Slytherin girl, Emerald. Scorpius, you see her at school. She has a proper Slytherin boyfriend, doesn't she?"

"No, actually," I said, taking a deep drink of the honeyed mead I was drinking. "Her boyfriend's a fourth generation Ravenclaw. Decent bloke. Good at Transfiguration and Quidditch."

My grandmother considered this information and then took a drink of her own mead. "At least he isn't some bloody Hufflepuff."

**Review!**

**Title is after the Cure song. Because I tend to find chapter titles by scrolling through my iPod. **


	5. Snakes and Ladders

**A/N: So I meant to finish this last night, but then my friend showed up and ranted at me from 11:30 to 1:40 and after that I was more focused on becoming unconscious than posting this. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy. **

Chapter Five - Snakes and Ladders

Em had the Marauder's Map sprawled on a stack of trunks in the centre of our train compartment.

"So your grandmother said there was a legend about Slytherin being in either the Forest or under the Lake, right?" Will asked, pointing out the two parts of the map.

"Yeah," I agreed.

We hadn't left the station yet and were still missing Dylan, Sam, Al, and Rose.

Em hadn't found Slytherin's body in his supposed grave, which made me pretty convinced none of the founders were going to be in their official graves.

"How was your Christmas?" Em asked me while Will kept examining the map.

"You know," I said. "My grandmother thinks I'm crazy, and my father thinks I'm both obsessed with pygmy puffs and also gay."

Em and Will exchanged looks.

"What?" I asked.

"You do kind of have a thing for pygmy puffs," Will said apologetically. "Remember the bloke we strung up from the chandelier in fifth year?"

"Wasn't he the one Scorpius slapped in the face with a rubber flounder?" Em asked.

"Yeah," Will agreed. "But then Rose vanished his trousers and he was wearing pants covered in pygmy puffs and I sincerely thought he'd nicked them from Scorpius's dormitory."

"Really?" I demanded.

"To be fair, it would make it highly suspect because he was wearing another bloke's pants, but it would also make you suspect for, well, having pygmy puff underwear," Will said.

"Technically, that would be considered sexual deviancy."

The three of us glanced over at the compartment door. Despite the foot of snow on the ground, Rose was wearing a needlessly short dress covered with a lavender jumper and knee high boots with high enough heels that she was as tall as Em.

"Of course, in order to actually get the sexual part of it, you'd have to actually be having sex," she added, sitting on the seat next to Will.

"You mean the way you're having sex with Ioan?" Will asked.

Rose shrugged. "Better than nothing," she said. "And he tells me everything about the details he's found. He says he's pretty sure Slytherin's tomb is under the lake."

"You know he talks about you, right?" Will asked.

Rose shrugged again.

"What does he say?" I asked.

"I know more about the noises Rose makes than I ever needed to," Will replied.

"Well at least we're not all celibate," Dylan said, falling into the seat next to me. "I mean, we've still got to teach Scorpius how to talk to girls, but we're at least a step in the right direction."

"No, we're not," Rose said. "Ioan's rubbish in bed."

I snickered and traced the outlines of the Black Lake on the Marauder's Map.

"Hufflepuff wasn't in her grave," Dylan said. "But I'm sure we all suspected that."

"Gryffindor wasn't in his either," Al said, appearing in the doorway and sitting down next to Rose. This meant he was directly across from Dylan, at which point both of them turned to stare intently in different directions.

Sam showed up shortly after the train started moving and happily folded himself onto the pile of trunks.

"So if you were Slytherin, where would you bury yourself?" Sam asked once we'd filled him in. "What's under the lake?"

"The Chamber of Secrets," Rose said.

"All that's down there is a great dead basilisk," Al said. "Not like any of us could get in, either, since none of us are parslemouths."

"Neither was my dad," Rose replied. "And yet my parents got in during the Battle of Hogwarts."

"So if we want to go poking around, we'll have to go on a weekend," Em said.

"But not during a Quidditch game," Will pointed out. "It's Ravenclaw-Gryffindor next."

"Rose, can you get your dad to tell us what the password sounds like? Or record it in a howler or something?" Dylan asked.

"And this is just a starting point expedition, isn't it?" Al said.

"Good place to start, I suppose," I said.

"I already got my dad to tell me the password," Rose explained, pulling a bottle of nail polish out of her bag and painting her nails black.

"You did?" Sam asked. "How?"

"We got him drunk and then I asked him about the battle," Rose said. "I'm good at things besides distraction."

We established our plan to go explore the Chamber of Secrets and had even settled on a date by the time we reached Hogwarts. As we separated for our respective house tables, Ioan materialised out of nowhere and sat down at the Gryffindor table with Rose, Al, and me.

"Hi Rose," he said, completely ignoring me or Al.

"Hello," she replied, smiling brightly at him. She batted her eyelashes slightly and brushed her hair out of her face.

A wave of nausea made all the food in front of me dreadfully unappealing.

"It's Ioan, isn't it?" Al asked, raising his eyebrow at Ioan.

"Haven't we had classes together for six and a half years, Potter?" Ioan asked.

I knew for a fact that Al liked to blame his break up with Dylan on Dylan saying Ioan was fit. He only did so when he was feeling particularly self-destructive. Either way, he hated Ioan as much as Will and I did.

"Sorry, I don't tend to notice people who make it a point to leer at my family members," Al replied cheerfully.

"Well that's not very nice," Ioan said.

"So you're looking for the tombs of the founders as well, aren't you?" I asked, picking at my food.

"Well, Rose and I are looking," Ioan corrected. "Together."

Rose giggled and a radiant glow spread across her cheeks.

"Got any good leads these days?" Al asked.

"Have you?" Ioan asked.

"Oh, just an old wives' tale about Helga Hufflepuff being buried underneath the centaur's encampment in the Forbidden Forest," I invented.

"Really?" Ioan asked. I could see the calculating look in his eye.

"Oh yeah," Al agreed. "My boyfr—my ex looked up her history in Wales over Christmas."

"Why didn't you two tell me?" Rose asked, winking at me with the eye Ioan couldn't see.

"Sorry," Al replied. "Have you heard anything?"

"Just that Ravenclaw's grave is somehow hidden in the walls of the castle itself since she designed the building and all," Ioan said with a shrug.

I was mostly sure he was telling the truth. I had no reason to think so, however, since Al and I had quite easily lied to him.

When we finished dinner, Rose kissed Ioan goodbye and the three of us headed for Gryffindor tower together.

"How in the name of Merlin can you even stand to willingly snog him?" I demanded once we were through the portrait hole.

"He's not bad at kissing at least," Rose said with a cringe. Every trace of the giggling girl she had been around Ioan was gone the minute we set foot up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. "And his tip about Ravenclaw's grave is probably true, so that's useful."

"Maybe we'll be lucky and the centaurs will kill him," Al replied.

In third year, I had been kidnapped by the centaurs. They liked me well enough, but I was relatively sure they wouldn't take kindly to Ioan.

"I can't say I want him to die, but still," I said.

"You boys are just jealous," Rose said, reclining on my bed with her arms stretched above her head and her hair splayed across my pillow.

Before Al or I could say anything, one of our dorm mates walked in, took one look at Rose on my bed, and dropped everything he was holding.

"Malfoy, how in Merlin's name did you get the hottest girl in school on your bed?" he demanded, staring from me to Rose and then back.

Rose sat up and shook out her hair. She stood up and clasped both her hands over my shoulder.

"Well, I'm in his bed often enough," Rose said, winking at my dorm mate. "Being on it wasn't much of a stretch. G'night, boys."

For reasons I didn't understand, she grabbed me by the school tie, pulled me down to her height, snogged me, and then sauntered out of our dormitory, leaving me, Al, and our dorm mate standing in shock and confusion.

OOooOOooOOooOO

The following weekend found us crowded in a girls' toilet on the second floor.

"This isn't right," Will said, looking around the girls' lavatory with an uncomfortable look on his face.

Following the stories from Al and Rose's parents, we had brought our brooms with us since we were lacking a phoenix to pull us out.

"The question is, do we really think he's down there, or is it just a starting point?" Sam asked.

"It never hurts to check," Dylan replied. "Okay, Rose, let's do this."

Rose nodded and crossed to a sink. She whispered something sibilant to it and the sink disappeared into the floor revealing a person sized tunnel.

"This should be pleasant," Al said, peering downwards. He contemplated it for a moment, and then shrugged before he jumped down the tunnel.

"Are you alright?" Em called after him.

"Fine," he yelled.

Em slid down after him, then Will, Sam, and Dylan until it was just Rose and me.

"Shall we?" I asked.

"Why don't you go first?" she suggested.

"Ladies first," I said, gesturing to the tunnel.

"The last of the true gentlemen?" she asked, giving me a bad look and hopping into the tunnel.

I waited until she had time to hit the bottom before I followed her. After a twisting, uncomfortable ride, I landed in a heap at the bottom. Dylan pulled me to my feet. We were completely surrounded by piles of dead animal bones. Without any preamble, a rolling fleet of pygmy puffs crossed the tunnel and disappeared into a crack in the wall.

The seven of us clambered over a pile of rubble and found ourselves at a door inset with metallic snakes that looked almost alive. Rose whispered something at them and they recoiled before the door swung open.

The first thing we saw in the Chamber of Secrets was a rotting corpse of a gigantic snake.

"I think that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," Rose said.

"This is including Ioan's dick, right?" Will asked.

Rose ignored him and skirted around the eyeless – and toothless – head. The rest of us followed her.

The Chamber of Secrets was a spacious cavern complete with slimy, damp walls, and a monumental statue of an elderly gentleman who vaguely resembled a monkey. Statues of snakes lined the edges and seemed to follow us with their eyes.

"So do you suppose we should be looking for another chamber off this one?" Sam asked, illuminating his wand and waving it around the walls. The emeralds set into the snakes' eyes glittered eerily in the wandlight.

"Slytherins are supposed to be ambitious, right?" Em asked.

She was standing directly in front of the statue of Salazar Slytherin with a curious look on her face.

"The most ambitious thing you can achieve is immortality," she continued. "But if you're going to die anyway, you may as well go for making sure your grave is never disturbed, and what better way to do that than inter yourself in rock?"

I was unsure if any of us had followed her logic, but before we could ask for explanation, she slowly reached up one hand and touched the statue.

Without warning, the statue started to crumble, slowly at first, then faster until it exploded with a burst of green light. As soon as the light cleared, I realised the statue had been replaced with an ornate coffin. Engraved on the side in twisting letters it said 'Salazar Slytherin.'

Sam pulled out his wand with shaking fingers and muttered his body-finding spell. After the ground stopped shaking, the coffin lit up like Christmas.

The seven of us exchanged looks that ranged from shock to awe to holy shit.

Em leaned over the coffin and peered through the glass lid at the ancient skeleton. She straightened up and raised her eyebrow at the rest of us with a challenge in her eye before she said, "So who's next?"

**Review!**


End file.
